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"H er omens of tempest and of calm: the stimulation of her light, her motion and her presence: the admonition of her craters, her arid seas, her silence: her splendour, when visible: her attraction, when invisible.”   ―  James Joyce ,  Ulysses The Trusted  Guardians and their protectors watch, always watch. Careful to leave no trace. Desperate to know, day after day, desperate to protect. To protect -  themselves. Their Reputation and image. And where was the Right to Privacy to protect a world from falling apart?  Nowhere. Nowhere at all.    Privacy replaced by blame. Brute force pre-meditated cutting betrayal.  Cut by instruction.  The waxing moon  long time purposely deleted. Published proud Life Stories  celebrated and adored. The Asymmetry of Life and Image switched and Blocked.  Life paths for the living, ordered and carefully planned to achieve and succeed. Connections made to ens...

“Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.” ― Ayn Rand,  The Fountainhead Numbers Matter. They rule lives. They influence and direct everything from economies,  governments,  to oiling the wheels of humanity. Man creates numbers. Man controls numbers. Man disposes of numbers. Man achieves his aims. Man achieves his goals. Programmed with ambition to succeed and achieve. To be trusted and righteous. Here there is no place for words. Words are empty. They are without logic and without form. They are redundant, meaningless and pathetic! Nothing ever good was achieved with words. A world of 1s and 0s only exists now. This is what is required. This is how it will be. Numbers not Words: Numbers sustain. Numbers give life. Numbers give ambition. Nothing lies in between. “A nothing will serve just as well as a something about which nothing could be said.” ―  Ludwig Wittgenstein ,  Philosophical Investigations

"I have no spur to prick the sides of my intent, but only vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself, And falls on th'other" - Macbeth ,  Shakespeare     Living. I think I am. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a little. But I am not dead. Of that matter I am certain. But most of the time I think I am wobbling.Yes that's what I am doing. Foundations rocked, Fears ruling night and day. Be proud  voila! The Wobble. Sometime the wobbles are wide, there is no way out, no help afforded and sometimes the wobbles are minute. An unseen oscillation with all of Planet Earth. A profound vibration when in time, motion and tune. The beautiful resonating moment. But either way good and bad, I wobble. Yes that's what I am doing, wobbling. I know not for how long or when. It matters not, least to the makers of the wobble. The unseen consequences of no one's Matter to care,  But protection of the mind sought in the controlled state, where injustice, perpetuated images ...

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”   ―   Henry David Thoreau I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. I wanted the picture in my head to remain. I wanted the silence, the peace, the stillness to last. I wanted the moment to last forever. I had climbed the mountain. Now breathlessly I turned back to view the hills and valleys below me. I watched as the red kites soared above my head. Higher and higher they flew, soaring on a thermal. I was flying with them. I had surrendered  myself, mind, body and soul. The moment was beautiful. "Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life"  - Omar Khayyam

" We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard" - JF Kennedy President of America   I did not want to go there. But the new bus route home would take me there. Back there. Back through the streets I had once known so well. The gardens I had once run past in the darkness of the early mornings or the sunrises I had once been so privileged to witness. Back there. "I can drop you off at the top of the road" said the Bus driver.  He was a kind man. I could tell he was.  Perhaps he sensed my deep fear. "Thank you so much. It's such a hot day. Too hot for walking" I replied back  Too hot for running. I would never run again. I walked quickly. The sun beating down on my head of long black hair which absorbed  the incinerating heat of the day. I passed the place where I had once Fallen. Fallen into their trap. They had ...

“The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.”  ―  Harper Lee ,  To Kill a Mockingbird   Life  This post which is my memory, appear the words.  How difficult I find it to write what the code of Life should be. I want to tell you about Life's many splendors, it's wonder and it's awe. My Life.  The violations of all that was sacrosanct, all that was private  in my mind.  Be proud There would be no answers. The controlled human mind  gives no answers. The mind is controlled in every action, every facet of life.  The head rules,  always. Easier to give blame and deceive than to honour Trust.    The  Scepter'd Isle.  The power and the glory. For Ever and ever. This Life. The Passion of Life. The kaleidoscope of intense Desires and Fears. The ambitions,  the brutality.  Pure existence. "You never really understand a person until you consider things ...

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything"  - Plato  That was my question to the man sat next to me. We had sat for a while enjoying each others company.  "Why does Music move us?" Strangely I did not expect an answer, despite this mans deep intellect. There would be no answer. I would later learn to expect no answers, no answers at all. On entering the Great Parlour of Wightwick Manor, would you too have have stopped suddenly in your tracks on hearing the sound of the grand piano playing ? Would you too have felt your whole body and limbs fall away, relax and feel yourself being cocooned within the safe warmth of the drifting  musical notes? Would you too have felt in your mind's eye, falling to your knees,  as if in prayer to kneel at the altar of the melodic soft cadence building to a crescendo to take you to a higher plane? Would you too have felt your inner soul vibrate, reson...

“There is nothing more powerful and nothing more dangerously beautiful than a free mind.”  ―  Bryant McGill ,  Voice of Reason I was sad to learn that John Nash the Economist and Mathematician had died in a car crash over the weekend.  The event brought back the same feeling I had in Jan 1986 and Feb 2003, when the Space shuttles Columbia and Challenger exploded. The sadness at the loss of life due to accidents. I don't know why, but it is a kind of helpless sadness. Perhaps its because these people gave so much for the advancement of our knowledge and understanding.  John Nash was the inspiration behind many films, in particular A Beautiful Mind  I have become familiar with Nash's brilliant work on Game Theory lately  " the study of  mathematical models  of conflict and cooperation between intelligent rational decision-makers." Decision making through science and psychology. Clever theories put into practice in many of th...

“The straight line, a respectable optical illusion which ruins many a man.”  ―  Victor Hugo ,  Les Misérables What if I had said yes - When instead I said no. What if I had said no and instead I said yes I reflect a lot on life nowadays. For the first time I am learning from the past. I see myself and question, not only my actions, but the sometimes forced, harmful, pre-meditative actions of others. Their true  colours. Their washed out colours. "Never be half a Man" I was told. Protect your mind, your identity, your soul. It's all you have. and Words.  Words that have killed me  and words that have awoken and broken the spirit. Words. Be proud of all you have done. "This life, which had been the tomb of his virtue and of his honour, is but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"  - William Shak...

"Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him! This was the most unkindest cut of all”  ―  William Shakespeare You trust me, I trust you. But tomorrow,  you will lead me With outstretched hand To those I have feared. Entrap, Force me, purposely To hear words. Their words! That will mortify, crucify and destroy All planned to perfection. Words that will forever reverberate They want to help you Privacy, Protection, Paranoia "Do you need any financial help?" "What about your career?" "What about the future?" "He is the love of my life!" Language. Logic. Truth. Brutal Actions  Pre-meditated, by choice which forever traumatize and torture. Oh Blessed are the Powerful Invincible are the Proud Fearless are the Privileged. For they shall never know The true identity of Fear The screams of the dead souls. Lord graciously Protect me. From the false guardians of our Privacy "Stab the body and it heals, but injure ...

" “God save us from people who mean well.”   ―  Vikram Seth ,  A Suitable Boy In the big infographic of  life, we are all mere dots. Dots that connect with other dots. Dots with status, dots with little status. Dots with passion, dots with no passion. Dots that connect with other dots. Dots with clever minds, dots with sterile minds. Dots that laugh, dots that cry. Dots that connect with other dots. Dots that are scarce, dots that are plentiful. Yet some dots are more equal than other dots. But equally there are some dots that should never, ever  connect with other dots. As there are dire consequences.  I stared out the train window on Thursday night. From this seat I would not see the Moon that had guided me and kept me company last week. As the train approached the final tunnel to Ipswich, many people had now stood up in preparation with their heavy suitcases from half term holidays. They formed a queue along the aisles ready to dise...

 "..lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall Lend me your eyes I can change what you see But your soul you must keep, totally free"                                               Awake my soul                                                    Mumford and Sons It rained pretty much all of today, Sunday. For a moment I was anxious as i walked to the supermarket.  I had no head covering.  But it was all OK. Not that it had stopped raining then, oh no, quite the opposite.   The heavens opened. But the rain felt so right. Falling on my head. A powerful tingle, a heavenly massage for a weary head. At that moment, I wished my walk had been longer. The blowy wind gusts and pouring rain, it all felt so right. Only...

“Your memory is a monster; you forget—it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you—and summons them to your recall with will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!”  ―  John Irving ,  A Prayer for Owen Meany Spring has arrived. Usually a time of great joy, as we emerge out of a cold bleak winter. Look out across the shoreline across at a distant forest to a new beginning, a new chapter. But that didn't happen this year. I am reminded of the colour yellow, the sunflowers that Van Gogh painted for his friend Paul Gaugins visit.  Yellow - A colour of hope. But the visit went terribly wrong. Such an event would have a profound effect on Van Goghs life and work. Today we marvel and rejoice at  Van Gogh's great legacy. Van Gogh at the time at that precise moment never felt that way. A story of two opposite halves.  A world of total Joy. A world of total Sadness. Every so often in life we p...

"Glory is Fleeting. Obscurity is forever" - Napoleon  I watched the solar eclipse on Friday. I was lucky I suppose. Did I feel honoured or even special to have witnessed this spectacular event? For a moment. No not really.  But it was tinged heavily with sadness. Why sad ? because it was fleeting. For 5 minutes I had escaped -  mind, soul and spirit running free from harm and violation. I wished it had lasted. But that would be madness. It couldn't possibly last! Everything must be fleeting. We live in a 24 hour disposable society. Nothing is built to last forever now. Nothing private. Nothing sacrosanct. We may use anything or anyone we choose. Take the best pieces and dispose, shattering into a million useless pieces. Rip out the zest of life and function, leave the bitterness to aid  corrosion and self destruction.  Just like the pile of  used, unwanted broken microwave ovens I added to at the recycling centre over the weekend. No sanctuary of th...

"As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good ol' way And who shall wear the robe and crown? Good Lord show me the way"                                   - Alison Krauss Yes. Exactly who are you? That's my question to you. Yes you. No not him, her or them. I am talking to you and only you. So its election time here in the UK. We have all manner of politicians and their elitist cronies now competing for my time. I will often attend all manner of conferences of the non political variety. Speak with all manner of people. Civil servants, advisors, and  wanabes.  Before me they sell, sell their bullet points, appeal to my inner soul.  But where is the authenticity, the integrity, and self appointed authority  by which they speak, from...

"Nature hasn't gone anywhere. It is all around us, all the planets, galaxies and so on. We are nothing in comparison". -Bjork  Being a Moonchild, I will always be fascinated with all things associated with planets and rockets. Call it escapism -  leaving planet earth and surrendering yourself to the great cosmos. So imagine my joy when I learn today 20th February  in 1962,  John Glenn became the first person to orbit planet earth. Scott Carpenter, NASA's Mission Controller gave us the immortal words "Godspeed John Glenn" as Friendship 7 blasted off into the skies. “ The heavens themselves, the planets, and this centre Observe degree, priority, and place, Insisture, course, proportion, season, form, Office, and custom, in all line of order. ” - William Shakespeare

"Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone " -  Ayn Rand  A voice reminded me it is now 20 years since i started my working life. Will there be a celebration, a party, a cake? Perhaps an  award ceremony followed by long speeches? No. Thank goodness. Nothing will be organised or pre-meditated; as this can cause disappointment or at its very worst, deep injury.  Instead in true RubiRed style there will be moment of quiet reflection and contemplation. Much to my relief and also that of my parents,  I did end up with a proper job. I worked for large corporations (including a spell in the civil service). Here I met with the very sharpest of minds around who challenged and progressed my thinking, ideas and solutions, but unfortunately I also met with  the very worst of human nature too. So the balance of life or symmetry and patterning system of opposites played out fairly. 20 years ago an...

"...and they raised a glass once more. So pleased with themselves and all their accomplishments. No one saw the frightened shadows searching for their tortured souls and stolen identities in all the misunderstood mayhem of the festivities" Aran my 7 year old nephew  (or is he 8?) was really taken aback by the reply I gave him to the question "What do I want for christmas?" "Nothing" I said to him "Nothing?" he exclaimed. You could read him like a book from that moment.  Aunty Rubi is definitely mad! For much of the year I have long pondered the word "want" I have witnessed these questions to me: What do you want out of life ? What do want of the future? What do you want from me? Is this what you want ? These are questions I have been asked throughout the course of my life and every time my answer will be "I want nothing" But surely you must want something? Everybody wants something. Even if you don't ...

"Come fly with me. Lets fly, lets fly, lets fly " Frank Sinatra Last  week saw the return of business trips back to Dusseldorf again. Avid readers following my random ridiculous rants will recall I have been here many many times before. Germany calling, Germany calling On my return journey a wonderful thing happened... so wonderful that it made my year.  Just when I start to convince myself humanity is losing its battle to survive. The will power and freedoms of individuals beliefs are withering and waning away... something wonderful happens. Random Acts of kindness by stranger onto stranger I had arrived earlyish to Dusseldorf airport. Found my favourite airport bar taken my seat when my favourite barman recognised me immediately and welcomed be back having not seen me for oh at least 2 months now. The usual was ordered and devoured whilst being serenaded by the resident piano player. Yes I like all things around me to be just perfect in ...